By Coach Thilene Samuel

I always find it a little amusing, and so very human, when I’m coaching a woman who is miserable, exhausted, anxious, or just… over it. And yet, when we start to dig into what’s happening, she still tries to convince herself that it’s working.

“Kinda,” she’ll add. With a small shrug. Maybe even a laugh.

It’s this moment that hits me every time.

Because, I get it…

We hold on tight to the life we’ve built, even when it’s clearly not working anymore, because on the outside, it looks good.

It’s polished.
It’s functional.
It’s the kind of life people admire.

But on the inside?
It’s dark. Cold. Quiet in all the wrong ways.

And then I ask that question:

“What do you really want?”

It’s such a simple question. But in that moment, it often feels outrageous.

Like I’ve just broken a rule that says we’re not supposed to ask for more.

There’s usually a pause. A long one…

Followed by uncertainty.
And more often than not, a quiet: “I don’t know.”

Not because they don’t have desires, but because they haven’t asked themselves that question in decades. For some, not since their 20s.

And the truth is, it’s not their fault.

Somewhere along the way, their time became filled with the needs of others—family, partners, kids, careers. They became the caretaker, the doer, the reliable one. Always showing up, always performing, always putting someone else’s wants ahead of their own.

But here’s what happens.
When your life is built entirely around what others need from you; eventually you lose sight of what you need, what you want, and who you are.

That’s how burnout happens.

That’s how you end up in the “it’s fine” life, that’s quietly draining you.

So when a woman looks at me with tired eyes and says she doesn’t know what she wants, I don’t push her. I don’t judge her. I usually just smile and whisper back:

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Because this moment, this quiet, uncertain, brave pause, is where things start to change.

This is the space where we get to turn inward.
To explore.
To remember.
To reimagine.

And it’s often the first time in a long time that they realize: You are allowed to want something more.

You are allowed to design a life with you in it.
A life that feels purposeful.
A life that feels like home.
A life where you don’t just look the part, you feel it too.

If that’s where you are right now, know this: